Adulting and Relationships

I’ve noticed something happening within myself over the last little while. In November, I turned 40 and it seems like since then there has been a shift in my mind. Things are different. I don’t see everything the way I always did. Let’s see if I can make sense of what I mean…

When I was young, I remember thinking that 40 was so old…and not in a really mean or negative way, more like a dang, they are so mature and have it all figured out sort of way. I always assumed that your late teens and early 20’s were the time to have fun and be crazy and impulsive. In your late 20’s and into your 30’s you get more settled and start to ‘adult’ as it’s put today. Once you hit your late 30’s and into your 40’s, you had hit that point where you were set…you were settled in your career and your family, your relationships were well established and you knew what was up.

You were well into the ‘adulting’ portion of your life. There wouldn’t be anymore drama filled friendships or cutting people out of your life because of a disagreement. I mean, after all, by your 40’s you have been working on building or maintaining relationships with lots of different people. I’m sure for some people, this is exactly how their lives have gone…unfortunately, that is not how my life seems to be.

I’ve been married for well over a decade, I have two kids, I’m a daughter, sister, friend, niece, cousin…however, more of the relationships in my life are broken than not. Is it me? Is it them? Is it just personalities clashing and causing these rifts in so many of my relationships? I’ve heard a lot of people talking about ‘oh just walk away from relationships or people who no longer serve a purpose in your life’. Really? I mean, yes, there are definitely some relationships I would totally agree you just should walk away and not look back. There are others though that I just can’t get on board with your first response being to completely cut that person out of your life because there was a disagreement or because you don’t agree with everything that person does or says.

Let’s be honest here, I do know that I can be distant and closed off at times in relationships. I can be selfish and not really even think about the other person in the relationship and what they may be going through…but I can’t be the only one who does this though…am I just a really horrible person?

When did relationships become so disposable? I realize that people change and grow closer or grow apart, but in my mind, relationships should be something that is valued and given the room to grow and evolve before it’s just tossed away. I am sure that over the years, I’ve done my fair share of tossing relationships…tossing people aside. Because let’s be real, that’s what it is…when you decide that relationship no longer serves you, you’ve decided that PERSON is no longer important or of any value to you.

Wow, this got deep, fast!

I would love to think that I’m a great friend, sister, daughter, wife, mom, niece, cousin; just a great person in general. I do know that I am not without my flaws though and I’m sure that there have been situations in my life that I handled WAY wrong that cost me people…relationships. I’m not perfect. I’ve made wrong choices, I’ve not let people grow and evolve and instead continued to see them as the person they used to be instead of who they had become, I’ve had bad attitudes that have come out of my mouth in hurtful words that can’t be taken back.

Something that not many people know about me is that I don’t come from a big family, but I wish I did. I wish that I had close relationships with cousins and aunts/uncles, I wish that we had big, loud, crazy family dinners. As I got older, I wished more than anything that since I didn’t have that kind of family, that I would have those kinds of things with friends…for whatever reason, that’s not the reality of what my life is like. I do have friends, some I’d consider best friends, but none so close that we make getting together with our families a priority, or even just us getting together a priority. It’s more like we are just friends online…you know, as long as we have that internet connection, we are friends. You take that away and there’s no real relationship. It makes me sad and I feel like it’s probably mostly my fault. I don’t really let people in…by the time I’m ready to let them in they are tired of trying I guess…

I never claimed to be all sunshine and rainbows, in fact, I’m probably more dark and twisty than I’d ever admit to most people in real life. It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that you don’t have the relationships with people that you so wish you had, mostly because of your own shortcomings and issues.

So, to kind of wrap this up… there are some things I’m realizing about myself and am working on. Maybe it comes down to the golden rule after all…treat others how you want to be treated. If you want a friend, be a friend. Interesting. Hmm, apparently you can teach an old dog (me) new tricks 😉

Do You Ever Lack the Freedom to be Spontaneous

This shop has been compensated by Collective Bias, Inc. and its advertiser. All opinions are mine alone. #TheMoodStrikes #CollectiveBias

So, let’s get real up in here for a hot minute ladies.  I’m sure that as women in committed relationships, we have all been in that moment when everything is working together to give you some alone ‘adult’ time with your man, #TheMoodStrikes …only to have things come to a screeching halt…er, hopefully not literally.  ifyouknowwhatimsayin  What’s a girl to do?  Well, I’ll tell you what I’ve done and maybe it will help give you the freedom to be spontaneous too. 

 Without getting all x-rated up in this spot…

In my younger years, I never needed a product like this.  I was a well oiled machine…so to speak..but as the years have gone on and I’ve had babies, the old girl just ain’t what she used to be, ya know what I’m sayin’?!

It weighs on a relationship because you feel bad that your body is not responding how it’s supposed to and your man feels bad because he thinks he’s not doing it for you anymore.  It sucks getting old, but it happens to the best of us.

Enter K-Y Liquibeads®.  Now, don’t go getting all squeamish on me.  I’m not gonna go into too much detail, but just suffice it to say, when its time, if you’ve used the K-Y Liquibeads® you don’t have to worry about getting out more um….I know people hate this word, but it is what it is, lube when you are right in the heat of the moment.  There, I said it.  Everyone still with me?! lol

I, for one, would rather just know that I don’t have to worry about whether my body will cooperate when we do find the time for some adult playtime.  Let’s face it, when there are kids around you sometimes gotta be creative with your time if you want to connect with your man so I have found these liquibeads to really help me be ready whenever the mood strikes..and these are so much less messy, so that’s a total bonus in my book.

I know for me, my husband and I don’t get a lot of date nights.  Or time away from the kids to go do adult stuff.  We are just one of those kinds of families that when we have time away from work or other obligations, we’d rather spend it all together with the whole family than just the 2 of us leaving our kids with a babysitter…to each their own, I ain’t judgin’ I’m just sayin’ how we do.  So, we don’t get a lot of time to go visit stores of the adult variety, if you catch my drift, to peruse the many, many different kinds of …personal lubricant. (is saying it that way really any better than just saying lube and getting it out of the way?!)  I like that I can just go to Target and do my regular shopping and pick up some K-Y Liquibeads® while I’m at it.  Convenient is the name of this game, ladies!

I know I said earlier that my husband and I don’t get a lot of date nights out and away from home, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a date night in.  We do this quite often, it gives us a chance to reconnect as a couple instead of just Hannah and Asa’s parents.  Our marriage matters just as much as being their parents.  

It can be really hard fitting it all in, but with some careful planning ahead of time, you can still be spontaneous later.  A typical date night at home for us looks something like this:

Feed and bathe the kids.  Take care of any need they might have so that once they are in bed, they are there to stay!  Once they are down, we like to order takeout to have with a nice glass of wine, or in hubby’s case a great beer.  We usually get a movie *(if I’ve done my job and planned ahead of time we will have a great movie from our queue).   Sometimes, we like to sit out on the back patio and have a cigar if the weather is nice…which, this is Phoenix so it generally is, but you know…we do get a cold snap every now and then 😉

Now it’s time to set the scene.  I like to make sure that I’ve had time to prepare and pamper myself so that should the mood strike, I am not feeling like a tired, worn out, yoga pant, stained shirt wearin’ mama.  I want to take time to look good for myself and my man.  Part of my routine now has become to pop in a liquibead so that later, I’m all set to go.  In my Date Night Essentials are a nighty, a favorite perfume, favorite lotion, favorite lipstick and of course, K-Y Liquibeads®.  If I’ve got this, I’m prepared for whatever the time alone with my man brings.

Oh, and just cuz it’s the season for giving, here’s a $1.00 off coupon so you can run out and get you some! 😉

Now, how does it work you are probably thinking…right?!  I know you are just too embarrassed to ask, so here, let me demonstrate.  

Get your minds out of the gutter!!  I’m not gonna actually show you all the steps!  Sheesh! 😉

This is what you get, in the package there are 6 applicators that are packaged together in a tightly sealed plastic wrap.  You also get 6 individual beads.  (there are also instructions that come in the box if you need them).

I don’t have photos to show you the rest of the process, cuz I ain’t about making this an x-rated blog! haha  So I’m sure you all can figure out what comes next…You insert the applicator, push the button and voila.  Give it about 20-30 minutes to work its magic and then you are good to go.
*Tip: If you think there’s a chance you might be intimate later on at some point that day and you don’t want to even chance you might uh…dry up, pop one of these bad boys in while you are getting ready for the day or if you know you have a date with your man, take an extra minute to freshen up and while you are at it, place a liquibead so that later you’ll be all ready.  That’s what I do…I’m just sayin’…without tryin’ to say too much 😉 lol  

So, the verdict is:  Trixie (that’s my alter ego) gives this product 2 thumbs up 

*If you are pregnant or nursing you should consult your doctor before using this product.

Anyway, now we will get back to our regularly scheduled programming of makeup and beauty type posts…I just gotta get really real up in here sometimes, ya know?!

If You Really Knew Me..with a Giveaway!

Ok, fine…I’m doing it. I have seen everyone and their sister doing one of these posts recently so I’ve decided to jump on the band wagon and do my own…with a giveaway too!

If you really knew me, you’d know that I have a thing about seeing people hurting. My bones hurt, my stomach gets queasy and I feel faint. It’s especially bad if its my husband or daughter.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I never went to college and I’m OK with that. I never really liked school or was good at school. I mean, I passed and did OK, but I wasn’t a straight A student or anything. Also, I was home-schooled from 8th grade through high school graduation.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I don’t shave my legs for most of the winter/spring. My hubby is lucky to have me shave once a month during the colder parts of the year!

If you really knew me, you’d know that most of the time I have to fake it til I make it with my self confidence. Some days I have self confidence in spades and others I am the bottom of the barrel.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I always wish I could do more. That if someone comes to me with a problem and I can’t do everything I want to do to help I feel guilty.

If you really knew me, you’d know that while I don’t particularly enjoy confrontation I will say what needs to be said even if I know you’re not gonna like it. I would rather get things out in the open and deal with them than to have them bottled up inside and let bitterness take over.

If you really knew me, you’d know that I might act like a tough biatch but I’m really a softy. But, according to my husband I’m all unicorns and rainbows and sparkles and glitter but I will shank a bitch if I need too. lol

If you really knew me, you’d know that I am super sensitive even though I try to hide it. I cry at everything and my feelings get hurt really easily.

Now, for the fun part of today’s post! I am giving away 3 gift cards!!

Winner takes all, one winner for all three gift cards!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Happy Birthday to My Husband!


Today is my hubby’s birthday, he is 36…shh don’t tell him I told you! So on this day we celebrate his birth, I thought it would be nice to talk about some of the things that make him so special, not only to us, his family but to anyone who meets him.

My hubby is:

Handsome * Loving * Intelligent * Affectionate * Friendly * Outgoing * Kind * Generous * Honest * Hard working * Funny * Sensitive * Playful * Athletic

I am so grateful that we found each other and that he was willing to pick up and move from his life the farm country in Mt Vernon Iowa to the deserts of Phoenix Arizona to marry me and build our life here. I am so thankful that he is an amazing husband, friend and father.

Happy Birthday Sean!! I love you!