I want my 64 years like he promised

We celebrated our 14th wedding anniversary this week, we got married on Leap Day 2004, so while we technically didn’t have an anniversary this year it was more important this year than previous years to celebrate the in between’s.

At the time we got engaged, he was still living in Iowa and I was here, in Phoenix. He proposed Halloween weekend 2003 and we of course started talking wedding dates pretty soon after. Sean had a date in mind, pretty quickly and asked if I’d be okay with February 29th. Wow, that was fast! That would only give us a few short months to get him moved from the midwest back out to the valley, and plan a wedding, and get him a job, and find us an apartment…those are a lot of big things to make happen in a 4 month time frame. Once he told me his reason for wanting that date, I of course said I was fine with it.

See, Sean’s grandparents had gotten married on that date many years before and they’d celebrated 16 anniversaries but 64 years of wedded bliss. He figured if it worked for them, it would work for us. Plus, they’d both passed before we’d met and he wanted a way to include them in the special day. So, see, I really couldn’t have refused him that date and still claim to have a heart šŸ˜‰

We started making the plans and doing the things, and ended up getting him moved back out here by Christmas. We moved into our apartment not long after the first of the year and then it was just a matter of the final touches on the wedding planning. Once the day finally arrived, it was beautiful. Blue skies and gorgeous weather, as we are accustomed to in the valley of the sun. We had an outdoor wedding and everything was really exactly as it should have been.

Now, here we are all those years later, never having thought we would have to deal with some of the things we’ve dealt with in our early years of marriage, like being caregivers for his mother as she passed from cancer. Or being a caregiver to my aging grandmother who was sliding further into Alzheimer’s and dealing with bipolar disorder at the same time. Or having an aunt and uncle of his pass from different types of cancers.

Once we started learning of the different types of cancers in his family history, I became more and more concerned that eventually this would enter our world…I mean, you cannot have so many people in your family with all different types of cancers and think you’ll be the one it doesn’t touch. It was a huge worry for me, I’m not sure if it was as big in his mind. I can tell you with certainty I never expected to get the dreaded cancer diagnosis as early in life as we got it though, I thought we’d have 20 more years before we’d hear it.

Now, as I sit here contemplating life and having celebrated this 14th year of marriage…I would be lying if I said there isn’t some level of fear….I hope and pray and I have to believe that he will be here to celebrate many more anniversaries with me, just like his grandparents had…I want my 64 years with him like he promised.

Let’s Talk About s.e.x. baby

I read this blog earlier today at Mrs. T Naturally that was talking about s.e.x. in marriage. She talked about how important what we wear to bed is to our relationship with our husband. Anyway, she challenged her readers to write a post about sex because there really aren’t many mom or faith bloggers talking about it and the importance of it in a marriage. So I am taking this challenge and running with it!

How do you show your husband that you love and appreciate all he does for you and your family? For me, I have learned in my 7+ years of marriage that just saying ‘thank you’ isn’t always enough. There have been times where hubby needs more than just a simple thank you to really feel like he is appreciated for all of the things he does for our family. I’ve learned that if I show him love and affection it helps him really feel like I care about the sacrifices he makes, that all the time and energy he has to spend working 2 jobs to provide a nice life for us doesn’t go unnoticed.

When I say showing him love and affection, that obviously is not just talking about s.e.x., but holding hands and snuggling. I know, I know, men aren’t supposed to be into those kinds of girly romantic displays of affection! But, in my experience, if you are doing it for the right reasons, to show him how much you love him, he is not going to reject that affection (especially if it has the possibility to lead to something else…)!

I guess what I’m saying is, the biggest thing I have learned in regard to my relationship with my hubby is that sex is a big part of the relationship, but it is so much more than just the act of intimacy. It’s the emotional intent behind it, it’s fulfilling a need that is more than just physical.

My question to you is this, are you brave enough to take this challenge on? Link up with Mrs. T Naturally if you dare!

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Married Life

My hubby and I recently celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary, and it got me thinking about just how important the actual relationship between a man and woman in a family is to the family as a whole.

I know a lot of people who are from the school of thought that once their children are born, everything revolves around the kids. The relationship between the husband and wife suffers as a result because inevitably the mom is so wrapped up in being a mom and caring for the kids, house, bills, husband and a million other things that something has to give. Usually it is taking time for herself. When that happens, it is not only affecting her ability to maintain some sense of self, but it affects how well she can maintain all the other roles she must play to keep her family moving forward. From what I hear from other moms, the first thing to be dropped when trying to fit it all in is the WOMAN hat. You know, the part of us that used to take our time to get ready for the day, or a date or whatever. That part of us that was a sensual, sexual being. I mean, really, who has time to shave their legs everyday when you have kids, house, bills, husband..and the list goes on and on!

I have also known women on the other end of the spectrum, those women who take on the role of mom without giving up any part of the ‘old’ them. They don’t have the problem that a lot of women do, they seem to be able to do it all and have it all while losing no part of themselves in the process. They do still manage to shave their legs everyday, and put makeup on and look all put together with perfectly accessorized outfits. Their children and husbands appear to be happy and well cared for, they take amazing vacations, they don’t sweat the small stuff and just live in the now.

The more I think about where I fall on the spectrum between these two (what I see as extremes) the more I think that the best place to be is the middle of the road. I feel like I can still be a great mom if I tell my daughter she is not allowed in my bed. I feel like I can still be a great wife if I don’t shave my legs everyday! I know that the most important gift I can give my daughter is a healthy, happy, loving relationship between me and my hubby.

We have recently been trying to enforce the no kids in the parents bed. I think it is super important that my hubby and I have a space that is completely about us and not about us as parents, but as an adult couple. A place that is just for us to be the sexual beings that we are. Something else I am realizing is that the relationship between me and hubby is something that needs to be treated with great care. Now, maybe I should have really recognized this before we reached 7 years of marriage, but at least I learned it!

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