I remember fondly the days when I didn’t spend all of my waking moments worrying about cancer and chemo and medical bills and everything that has come into our lives in the last 3 months. I remember when I got to just talk about makeup and ‘fluff’, the girly stuff I so love. Nowadays, I feel guilty taking any time for myself if I’m being honest. I know, it’s just as important for me, the caregiver, the one supporting the warrior, to take time to recharge and reset, but it doesn’t come without a certain measure of guilt…I’m just sayin.
One thing I truly love is makeup. You may not get it, but some of you might…I’ll try to explain.
Makeup is pretty, it’s feminine, it’s glamorous, is flirty, sassy, sexy, fresh…or I should say, those are all things that I feel when I am able to take time to play with makeup. In my every day life, it’s anything but pretty, feminine, glamorous, flirty, sassy, sexy, or fresh. It’s tiresome, sweaty, dirty, stinky, nasty. I’m forever cleaning up messes made by my 4 year old tornado, or wiping a poopy butt, or cleaning something sticky off every surface of all the things in my house, I always have a stain on my shirt, doesn’t matter old or new, if I’m wearing it, it’s got a stain…because kids.
Makeup is an escape. I don’t think about all of the scary things happening around me, I sit at my vanity and tune everything else out except for the way my makeup smells, the texture of it, the way a makeup brush or sponge feels against my face, the beautiful colors in an eye shadow palette.
It doesn’t have to be expensive makeup, or luxury brands…I’m just as happy to get a drugstore, or affordable product to play with and test out. It’s transforming the way I see myself, knowing that I am still the same person with or without all the makeup and glitter, but feeling like a better version of myself, when I have my ‘face on’.
Makeup is something that is just for me. Only me. No one else gets to play with my makeup, it’s not something I have to share, like virtually everything else in my life…as a mom, that’s what we do right? It’s nice to have this one thing just for me, to help me get away for a little while and escape the reality that is my life currently.
I’ve noticed something happening within myself over the last little while. In November, I turned 40 and it seems like since then there has been a shift in my mind. Things are different. I don’t see everything the way I always did. Let’s see if I can make sense of what I mean…
When I was young, I remember thinking that 40 was so old…and not in a really mean or negative way, more like a dang, they are so mature and have it all figured out sort of way. I always assumed that your late teens and early 20’s were the time to have fun and be crazy and impulsive. In your late 20’s and into your 30’s you get more settled and start to ‘adult’ as it’s put today. Once you hit your late 30’s and into your 40’s, you had hit that point where you were set…you were settled in your career and your family, your relationships were well established and you knew what was up.
You were well into the ‘adulting’ portion of your life. There wouldn’t be anymore drama filled friendships or cutting people out of your life because of a disagreement. I mean, after all, by your 40’s you have been working on building or maintaining relationships with lots of different people. I’m sure for some people, this is exactly how their lives have gone…unfortunately, that is not how my life seems to be.
I’ve been married for well over a decade, I have two kids, I’m a daughter, sister, friend, niece, cousin…however, more of the relationships in my life are broken than not. Is it me? Is it them? Is it just personalities clashing and causing these rifts in so many of my relationships? I’ve heard a lot of people talking about ‘oh just walk away from relationships or people who no longer serve a purpose in your life’. Really? I mean, yes, there are definitely some relationships I would totally agree you just should walk away and not look back. There are others though that I just can’t get on board with your first response being to completely cut that person out of your life because there was a disagreement or because you don’t agree with everything that person does or says.
Let’s be honest here, I do know that I can be distant and closed off at times in relationships. I can be selfish and not really even think about the other person in the relationship and what they may be going through…but I can’t be the only one who does this though…am I just a really horrible person?
When did relationships become so disposable? I realize that people change and grow closer or grow apart, but in my mind, relationships should be something that is valued and given the room to grow and evolve before it’s just tossed away. I am sure that over the years, I’ve done my fair share of tossing relationships…tossing people aside. Because let’s be real, that’s what it is…when you decide that relationship no longer serves you, you’ve decided that PERSON is no longer important or of any value to you.
Wow, this got deep, fast!
I would love to think that I’m a great friend, sister, daughter, wife, mom, niece, cousin; just a great person in general. I do know that I am not without my flaws though and I’m sure that there have been situations in my life that I handled WAY wrong that cost me people…relationships. I’m not perfect. I’ve made wrong choices, I’ve not let people grow and evolve and instead continued to see them as the person they used to be instead of who they had become, I’ve had bad attitudes that have come out of my mouth in hurtful words that can’t be taken back.
Something that not many people know about me is that I don’t come from a big family, but I wish I did. I wish that I had close relationships with cousins and aunts/uncles, I wish that we had big, loud, crazy family dinners. As I got older, I wished more than anything that since I didn’t have that kind of family, that I would have those kinds of things with friends…for whatever reason, that’s not the reality of what my life is like. I do have friends, some I’d consider best friends, but none so close that we make getting together with our families a priority, or even just us getting together a priority. It’s more like we are just friends online…you know, as long as we have that internet connection, we are friends. You take that away and there’s no real relationship. It makes me sad and I feel like it’s probably mostly my fault. I don’t really let people in…by the time I’m ready to let them in they are tired of trying I guess…
I never claimed to be all sunshine and rainbows, in fact, I’m probably more dark and twisty than I’d ever admit to most people in real life. It’s hard to come to grips with the fact that you don’t have the relationships with people that you so wish you had, mostly because of your own shortcomings and issues.
So, to kind of wrap this up… there are some things I’m realizing about myself and am working on. Maybe it comes down to the golden rule after all…treat others how you want to be treated. If you want a friend, be a friend. Interesting. Hmm, apparently you can teach an old dog (me) new tricks 😉
Bear with me guys, this might get a little rambly and off path a little, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about weight. Not necessarily weight…more like (mainly) women’s unhealthy obsession with weight. But I don’t even really think weight is the issue…it’s more what we look like, how big or small we are…why is there such an emphasis on our size? Why is this a thing? Like at what point did women start deciding that their value comes from how they look on the outside instead of the content of their character?
“If you’re always trying to be normal you will never know how amazing you can be.” – Maya Angelou
I don’t think I fit the societal norms here, to be honest. I am big, plus size, overweight, obese, morbidly obese, fat, whatever term you use for describing my size…however, I have NEVER seen myself as big as I actually am. I am confident in my body. Is it harder to do some things physically because of my size, I’m sure it is, but I wouldn’t know because I’ve never been the super tiny girl. I’ve always ‘had some meat on my bones’. Was it harder when I was dating, to be bigger than other girls my age? Nope, I never had trouble getting asked out or getting male attention. Do I have low self-esteem or self confidence because of my size? No, not really. I don’t find my self-worth in my dress size…sorry, not sorry that I don’t see myself as less than because I don’t fit what society has deemed as attractive and worthy all because the scale is a higher number than you are comfortable seeing.
Is this to say that I don’t place value on taking care of myself or eating healthy and moving? Heck no! What I am saying is that I don’t think it’s healthy for one to be so consumed with eating healthy and exercising for the sole purpose of losing weight as opposed to eating healthy and exercising because it’s good for you, no matter your size or the number on the scale. I’m pretty healthy, I have no medical issues that are typically attributed to being overweight (high bp, diabetes, circulation issues, high cholesterol) but people don’t see our medical records when they look at us, do they? They just look at me and see how big I am and automatically assume I must consume all the unhealthiest of foods and do nothing but sit on my butt.
As I’ve scrolled through each of my social media accounts lately, it has struck me that even the most ‘healthy’ and fit, the thinnest people I know still aren’t happy with their bodies. Why? Who is telling you that you aren’t good enough? Why are you letting them? This isn’t even about body positivity to me right now. I do want every body to feel good about themselves, but when I think about it, I want everyone to feel good about themselves because they are happy in their life and relationships and career. I am definitely not trying to knock people who are proud of themselves for being the healthiest, most fit, strongest they have ever been because they are taking the time to work and push to accomplish things physically to test themselves. I think that is amazing and awesome! I just worry about the women who are out there killing themselves to attain a smaller size or smaller number on the scale just because they think that will make them happy or make other people happy.
“Work out because you love your body, not because you hate it” – Katie Goulet
I have many friends who have expressed feelings of not being confident to even wear a swimsuit, let a lone a bikini, because they have a belly, or thick thighs, or are just bigger than what society has told them is the appropriate size to be right now. Each time, the thing that comes to mind is how to get a bikini body….have a body, put a bikini on it, now you have a bikini body. I recently took this to heart and purchased a bikini. Not a tankini like has been my go to for the last 10ish years…but an actual bikini. And I love it. I feel confident in it. It makes me happy to wear it. And I hope that when my daughter sees me in it, she sees that she too can wear whatever makes her feel confident and beautiful and doesn’t let other peoples opinions get into her head and ruin her self image.
For a really long time, I followed the crowd – must lose weight so I can be more acceptable to everyone around me, must hide my body because no one wants to see a plus size woman in anything that shows any skin, must perpetuate the cycle of self hate because that’s what society tells women is normal behavior…I thought I was so fat, I thought I was unattractive, I thought I was unhealthy, I thought my value was tied into the number on the scale. In all of these old pictures of me, I thought I was so huge compared to my friends…what the hell was I on?! Looking at them now, I see a beautiful woman who was healthy and was the same size as all of her friends! All those years I spent hating myself, my body, because why?…I don’t even know at this point.
Do I say all of this to say that I never have moments of weakness now when I see a picture of myself and think, wow am I really that big? No, I totally have those moments but they don’t define me. The number on the scale doesn’t define me. I don’t have a single desire to lose weight so that people will find me easier to look at, or more worthy of their attention. I have a desire to be healthy and to work on loving all of myself, flaws and imperfections included. I’m not willing to hide for anyone anymore. My wish for every woman I know, is that she would see herself and love herself, as is. Stop the self hate, start loving yourself so we can stop the cycle of teaching our children to hate themselves if they don’t fit whatever society has deemed acceptable. <3
Hello my beauties! I can’t believe it, Christmas is this weekend! This year has been a hell of a year, am I right?! All of the tragedies and the celebrities who’ve passed…it’s just been on hit after another all year and I for one am looking forward to 2017 being better for everyone.
So I know I’ve shared very few fashion posts on this here blog, but I’m trying to get out of my comfort zone and do things that scare me, so in that vein, I’m sharing a fashion post today! I recently did a YouTube collab with a few other ladies from the YouTube Mommy MeetUp group on Facebook, it was a Holiday Look Book, 3 thrifted *or partly thrifted outfits. So, I’m sharing the outfits I pulled together with items I found at a few of my local Goodwill stores.
Outfit number one
Look One – Shirt and Jeans from Goodwill
Outfit number two
Holiday Look Book – Thrifted Edition, Look Two Top and Leggings from Goodwill
Outfit number three
Holiday Look Book – Thrifted Edition Look Three jeans and top from Goodwill alittledashofdiva.com
And just cuz I feel like sharing, here is the actual look book I did on YouTube 😉 I hope y’all like it!
Disclaimer: All products mentioned in this blog post were purchased by me, with my money, this is NOT a sponsored post. All opinions and thoughts are 100% based on my own personal experience.
Hello beauties! I wanted to talk a little about skincare today. The older I get, the more I’m paying attention to the skincare products I’m using and focusing less on the makeup products. If you don’t have great skin, all the expensive makeup in the world is not going to hide that fact, so I’d rather focus a little more on skincare first, make sure the canvas is the best it can be before we paint it up with the art that is makeup, you know what I’m sayin?
I had been seeing people all over the beauty community talk about the ELF Skincare line sold at Walmart or Target, wherever ELF products are sold, but I was reluctant to try it because I had a routine that was working well. I am not someone who gets a lot of breakouts, as long as I’m thoroughly cleansing and moisturizing my skin, generally the only time I get breakouts is when I’m pms’ing (ah the joys!). I generally stick to the ‘if it ain’t broke don’t fix it’ when it comes to skincare, but after hearing so many good things the ELF line, I decided to give it a try. The products are all pretty affordable, I think they are around $12 for each product in the line.
I picked up the daily cleanser, serum, and moisturizer. Personally, I use them in the morning and have a totally different set of products that I use for my nighttime skincare routine.
Overall, I really have liked this line for a couple of reasons:
They are super gentle – I don’t feel like my face is being scrubbed raw, the scent is pleasant and not overwhelming.
They are not greasy or heavy – When you apply the serum and moisturizer, they are not sticky or tacky or heavy.
My skin feels really clean and hydrated after using these products.
I love finding products that work well with my skin, that are really affordable, and are easily accessible. As I’m getting older I find that the less scented and harsh the products are the better my skin does with it. I’d love to hear what skincare products you use and why you love them, leave me a comment with your favorite makeup remover, that’s something I’m still on the hunt for!
Hello my lovelies! Today I wanted to talk about some of the items that are on my birthday and Christmas wish list! I don’t share very often about products that I’ve got my eye on, but I thought this was the perfect time, what with my 40th birthday just a couple of weeks away and Christmas not long after. So, without further adieu, I give you…my birthday and christmas wish list!
Now, contrary to what some people might try to tell you, I do NOT have enough makeup brushes…especially when there is a set this gorgeous on the market. It Cosmetics brushes tend to be one of the best out there. They are incredibly soft and luxerious, while being sturdy and a really solidly built brush. I love this set for a couple of reasons:
I am a sucker for the packaging and the actual look of these brushes
It Cosmetics makes awesome brushes so the quality is just as amazing as the design of the brushes
This set is all you’d need to do a full face
It Cosmetics All That Glitters Brush Set
I have heard so many YouTube “Beauty Guru’s” talk about how amazing the Tarte Shape Tape Concealer is that it’s been on my wish list for a couple of months now. I mean according to the biggest beauty YouTubers around, this stuff is the bees knees. There isn’t anything that can beat it for coverage and staying power. I must try it for all of us who aren’t in our early 20’s and see if it it’s just as amazing for those of us with more mature skin types as it is for those younger more fresh faced women!
Tarte Shape Tape Contour Concealer
This one is another cult favorite, MAC lipstick in the shade Myth. I know there are so many celebs and beauty gurus who have made this lipstick the must have that it is today. I want it because it’s a beautiful shade and I love MAC lipsticks, it’s just so pretty!
Ok, now this one…I am DYING for this one! This is the Kat Von D Matte Metals Palette. I absolutely adore the aestetic of this palette and the shade range, plus the pigmentation of these shadows…totally worth the high price tag. I’ve had Kat Von D shadows before and they are some the most pigmented shadows I’ve ever used, really rich and vibrant colors that blend out beautifully.
Kat Von D – Metal Matte Palette
There’s really not much to say about this one, it’s a beautiful scent. I don’t go through bottles of perfume very fast, so I prefer to have just a rollerball that I will go through the whole thing and if I want to repurchase I can without worrying about wasting any of it.
Michael Kors – Wanderlust
Ok, I’m gonna just say it…the biggest reason I want this lip gloss is because it looks AMAZING on Jaclyn Hill and I want it to look that good on me! haha But no really, she talks about this gloss all the time and I really do want it just because she raves about it!
Marc Jacobs – Sugar Sugar Lip Gloss
Over the last few years, I have gotten more into using wax warmers instead of candles because of having a toddler in the house again…it’s just not safe to have candles burning and tempting him to climb on anything and everything to get to them. I do have a few candles around the house that are used very sparingly and the next three items on my wishlist are candles that I want to add to my stash of candles to keep around the house for special occasions!
Winter – Bath and Body Works
Holiday Sparkle – Bath and Body Works
A Thousand Wishes – Bath and Body Works
This next item is the Real Techniques Diamond Sponge. I’ve seen reviews floating around YouTube about this makeup sponge and I really want to test it out for myself and see if I like it as much as all these other YouTube Beauty Guru’s! I do already use and love the Real Techniques makeup sponge *the original one* but this one just intrigues me so I really just want it for that reason!
Real Techniques – Diamond Sponge
Ok, you guys. Can we all just take a minute and appreciate the beauty of these taupe booties?! I mean, I just fell in deep deep love with these babies the minute I saw them when I was browsing Target’s website. They are so pretty and with a low enough heel that I won’t kill myself walking in them or chasing a toddler around either. Love these so much!
Target – Taupe Booties
Last, but certainly not least on my wish list, this gorgeous bralette and panty set. I love how it’s feminine and flirty, it’s sexy without being trashy…I mean I’m sure there’s a time and a place for trashy but this just is pretty and I feel like I’d feel pretty wearing it, for ME, not for anyone else…ya know what I mean? Of course you do 😉
Lovesick – Racerback Bralette and Panty
I really hope y’all enjoyed seeing my birthday and Christmas wish list, I’d love to know what some of the items on your wishlists are…who knows maybe I’ll need to add some more items to mine!
Hello my beauties! Today I’m sharing five eye looks using just one shadow palette! Now, I realize this palette sold out super fast on the Morphe website, but I do know they are bringing it back one more time before Christmas. It’s a really super affordable palette, plus you can find a discount code on Kathleen’s YouTube channel that gets you an extra 10% off. The only thing I wasn’t super enthused about was the nearly $8 for shipping…OUCH. But I still only paid just under $23 bucks total for the palette and shipping, so that’s not awful.
Anyway, let’s get into it, shall we? I know it’s really easy to get into a rut using that same palette you just love over and over, you find a look you like and it becomes easiest to just use the same products and do the same look everyday to save time, but I thought about it and if I have all these colors in this palette, why not try and just create a few different eye looks all using just this one palette. It has everything you need from a matte white to a matte black to shimmers and transition shades, something for everyone!
I have heard mixed reviews on this palette, and I’ve gotta be honest, I really like this palette. I have found it to have great pigmentation in all of the individual pans, I find them easy to blend out, I don’t find them overly powdery or soft – with exception of that gorgeous green (the second from the left on the bottom row), that shade is a lot softer than the others, but in no way chunky or crumbly. I do really like this palette and have found myself reaching for it almost every day since I got it. I love that it’s affordable but I don’t love that it’s limited edition so if you want it you gotta make sure to keep an eye on social media – KathleenLights instagram and Morphe’s instagram will most likely have all the info about the new release date if you want to pick this palette up!
What, can it really be? ANOTHER actual blog post?! Yes, yes it is!
I recently filmed a video for my YouTube channel that was inspired by the talented NikkieTutorials. She had filmed a video called The Power of MakeupThe Power of Makeup a while back and I had intended to do my version for a while and just never got around to it, until just recently.
So, here’s the deal, basically you just do you. Why do YOU wear makeup? How does makeup make you feel about yourself? If you are happy wearing a full face of makeup or not wearing a single stitch of makeup, that is what matters – YOUR happiness. Not how anyone else sees you. Not if people think you wear too much makeup or not enough makeup or your makeup is too bright or too dark. Makeup is an individual thing, some people feel their best with just a little bit of lip balm on and some of us feel our best wearing full on glam (yes, even during the day and we have nothing to do but the laundry or scrub toilets). I will never understand why people think they get to have an opinion on someone else’s personal preference for THEIR OWN FACE! Gah!
I decided to use both high end and drugstore items when I did my Power of Makeup look and as you can see, the difference in my face with no makeup on and then full on dark smokey eye and lashes…the important thing to note, I am comfortable with my face in either state. I have no issues leaving the house with no makeup on. On the other side of it, I also have no issues leaving the house in full on glam, even if I’m just running to the grocery store or to get gas. I’m comfortable with MYSELF, no matter what anyone’s opinion of me is…
There, now that I got that out in the open 😉
Here is the video I filmed on The Power of Makeup, I really do hope you take a few minutes to watch it and really listen to the message, love you for you, all of you, flaws and all. Be happy just being you, makeup or no makeup. Also, don’t try to bring down anyone else for any reason, but for the purpose of this post, especially not because they choose to wear more (or less) makeup than you do. You do you!
Hello beauties! I know, I know…I’ve been posting really sporadically again. Life, man. It gets busy and when somethings gotta give, the blog is usually it. I found myself with some free time (ha!) so I thought I’d share a little something something here 😉
I was recently sent an Influenster voxbox and it was an amazing box, let me tell you! I was lucky enough to be one of the influencers selected to get the Make Up For Ever box, they sent over the Ultra HD liquid and stick foundations for me to test out and wow! I love them both but this stick foundation is awesome.
The first foundation I tested out was the Make Up For Ever Ultra HD stick foundation, which applies really easily and blends out evenly and makes my skin look absolutely flawless.
The next day, I tested out the Make Up For Ever Ultra HD liquid foundation. Again, this foundation applies really well and has really excellent coverage. It can be built up, but I find it really doesn’t need to be built up unless you have a lot of redness or uneven color on your face. The finish is really beautiful and looks flawless.
The third day, I decided to do a wear test because both of the previous days, I’d had my makeup on for over 15 hours and the foundation lasted really well through the entire 15+ hours of wear time. I wanted to see exactly how they’d hold up against each other so I applied the stick to one side of my face and the liquid to the other side.
The stick foundation is the picture on the left and the liquid is on the right in both of these images.
As you can see, they both hold up really nicely. I did have some shiny spots and places where my oils had broken through or worn away the foundation, but if I had touched up at all through the day, I doubt they would have worn down this way. I can say with certainty that these two foundations are my absolute top 2 out of the drawer full of both drugstore and high end foundations that I have right now. Thank you Influenster and Make Up For Ever for letting me test these foundations out!
As a bonus, here’s the wear test I did for my YouTube channel:
By the way, if you’d like an invite to join Influenster, leave me a comment below and I’ll send you the invite!